Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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