i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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