don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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