Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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