the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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