pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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