i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
