He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
