Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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