Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
