there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
