did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have tasted many bathrooms
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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