just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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