she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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