just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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