I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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