Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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