a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
