I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
