I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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