i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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