I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Text me some of your sweat
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
