Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
