My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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