thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
