After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
