Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
