all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
