Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
