What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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