No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
