Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
