Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
