Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
