Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
