And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
