The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
