Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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