ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
