2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
