I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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