My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
