They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
