apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
