Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
