His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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