wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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