the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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