she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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