Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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