I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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