He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When did angry sex become our thing?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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