My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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