2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
