im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
