This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
