i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
