why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
high people should be assigned attendants
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
