Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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