i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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