Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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