it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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