i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
