woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
