When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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