ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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