I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
