Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
