im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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