Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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