you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize