All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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