Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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