I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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