Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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