Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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