just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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