i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
