yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
