one might say we're banned from that church
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
