No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
