She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i dont even know how to be here
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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