After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize