Pappa wants mamma naked
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This house was built for laser tag.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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