so let's talk penis.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
