Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize