It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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