i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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