The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
