My nipple is on Facebook.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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