From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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