just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
