I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Are my feet made of real feet?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
