Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Enjoy the penises
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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