hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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