Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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