My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize