I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
is it fun? or sober?
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