So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize