Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
