I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
