I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
