Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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