he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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