got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
