thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
