You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
