Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
