This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
