The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
