When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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